A majority of female escort and female clinic prostitutes gave sexual curiosity as a reason for entering prostitution; many had great interest in sex before becoming prostitutes.
Almost half of the female escorts and just over a sixth of the clinic prostitutes started their work because they saw an opportunity to make money through sex. Street prostitutes, however, draw another picture: they are not in the business for the sex but to deal with problems such as drug abuse. A typical story, according to the researcher, is that a man divorces a woman and takes all the money, and the woman then sees prostitution as the only way to earn a living.
Secondly, the public debate about prostitution as poor wretches or happy hookers is distorted — most prostitutes are somewhere between these two extremes. Prostitution in Denmark abstract. He seemed to feel odd about dropping me off on the street. I wondered if he was having regrets about the session. He was rather cold when he said goodbye, and I was surprised to notice that I felt a little hurt.
This was the only time during the session when I felt "dirty" about what I'd done. I felt he was judging me. I made a conscious decision not to let this bother me: I probably wouldn't see him again, and it was just a business transaction, so it didn't really matter what he thought about me. I would offer this advice to clients, though: be nice to your hooker, even after you pay her. You're not the only one who has feelings about what just happened. In my post-university slump, I felt like my life was in the drain.
I had three crappy part-time jobs, my bank account was overdrawn, so I started browsing for "exotic dancer" want ads. In university, I had worked as a stripper for about two months and loved the dancing. The money was great for a part-time job, and it catered to my love for being the centre of attention.
Now that I was in a new city, the area strip clubs were more plentiful. I went to one "audition". The club was so low-brow I was shocked. The girls were snorting coke in the dressing room, and the bouncers seemed more malicious and oversexed than the customers. I did not go back. I remembered a roommate I had in university who signed up as an escort through an online service.
My first escort "date" was with a guy who called himself Tim. I drove two hours to his house, white-knuckled in anticipation of what I was about to do. He was middle aged, pretty average-looking — balding, in OK shape. I don't want to seem flippant when I talk about the sex. There was nothing special about it except for the fact that it was the first time in my young life that I was literally prostituting myself.
In retrospect, my opinion of prostitution is that it is fine if you have straightened it out in your head as to why you are doing it and what you get out of it, but you are risking your safety and your health. Can you charge a price high enough to compensate for that? And the sex was nothing I remember anything about. He left his television muted on CNN the whole time.
My biggest concern was that I had very little experience and that it would show I had only had sex a couple of times in my life. My next worry was that I would not be able to fill a full two hours with sexual entertainment. It was not that hard. Most people are easy enough to talk to, and once the sex is over it is just pillow talk and back rubs. Aside from an almost overwhelming sense of danger the whole time, it went well.
After two months, I started scheduling dates with men and then not showing up. I was starting to get real about why I was having sex with men for money.
I had been feeling rejected by a former lover, and I was angry about being in debt and was discovering that my university degree was essentially worthless. I felt like being destructive. My last job scared me out of it for good. He was a short bald man with a big spare tyre and smelled of cigarettes. He asked if he needed to wear a condom about half of the men asked this.
I put the condom on him, and then he spun me around and pushed me up against the dresser. One of the biggest questions that she found girls asking was whether or not a getting bigger boobs would be beneficial.
Thankfully the former prostitute revealed most men prefer the feel of real boobs and there is a market for every body type. But in her experience, women can be successful at any age, and she has witnessed escorts in their 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s earning good sums of money.
In fact, many men want a genuine conversation and connection — something they might not get with girls the same age as their daughters. Can you see me wanting to book a year-old? But in time they understand that I have been through what they're going through, and then they talk to me about it.
So far, we have 13 girls who have graduated from high school and are now in city colleges or have gotten full scholarships to go to other colleges. They came to us 11, 12, 13 years old, totally damaged. And now they're reaching for the stars.
Besides my outreach work, I attend conferences and contribute to academic work on prostitution. I've had people say to me, "Brenda, come and meet Professor so-and-so from such-and-such university.
He's an expert on prostitution. Where did you get your credentials? What do you really know about prostitution? The expert is standing in front of you.
I know I belong in that room but sometimes I have to let them know I belong there. And I think it's ridiculous that there are organisations that campaign against human trafficking, that do not employ a single person who has been trafficked. People say different things about prostitution. Some people think that it would actually help sex workers more if it were decriminalised. I think it's true to say that every woman has her own story. It may be OK for this girl, who is paying her way through law school, but not for this girl, who was molested as a child, who never knew she had another choice, who was just trying to get money to eat.
But let me ask you a question. How many people would you encourage to quit their jobs to become prostitutes?
Would you say to any of your close friends or female relatives, "Hey, have you thought of this? I think this would be a really great move for you! And let me say this too. However the situation starts off for a girl, that's not how the situation will end up. It might look OK now, the girl in law school might say she only has high-end clients that come to her through an agency, that she doesn't work on the streets but arranges to meet people in hotel rooms, but the first time that someone hurts her, that's when she really sees her situation for what it is.
You always get that crazy guy slipping through and he has three or four guys behind him, and they force their way into your room and gang rape you, and take your phone and all your money.
And suddenly you have no means to make a living and you're beaten up too. That is the reality of prostitution. Three years ago, I became the first woman in the state of Illinois to have her convictions for prostitution wiped from her record. It was after a new law was brought in, following lobbying from the Chicago Alliance Against Sexual Exploitation, a group that seeks to shift the criminal burden away from the victims of sexual trafficking.
Women who have been tortured, manipulated and brainwashed should be treated as survivors, not criminals. There are good women in this world and also bad women. There are bad men and also good men. Following my time as a prostitute, I simply wasn't ready for another relationship. But after three years of healing and abstinence, I met an extraordinary man. I was very picky - he likes to joke that I asked him more questions than the parole board.
He didn't judge me for any of the things that had happened before we met. When he looked at me he didn't even see those things - he says all he saw was a girl with a pretty smile that he wanted to be a part of his life.
I sure wanted to be a part of his too. He supports me in everything I do, and we celebrated 10 years of marriage last year. My daughters, who were raised by my aunt in the suburbs, grew up to be awesome young ladies.
One is a doctor and one works in criminal justice. Now my husband and I have adopted my little nephew - and here I am, 58 years old, a football mum. So I am here to tell you - there is life after so much damage, there is life after so much trauma. There is life after people have told you that you are nothing, that you are worthless and that you will never amount to anything.
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